How To Survive The World Cup

Category: Theatre, Musicals, Plays, Exhibitions, Art, Museums, Photography, Music, Classical & Opera, Jazz, World & Folk, Dance & Ballet.

Everybody loves the World Cup. Don’t they?

Given blanket coverage in the media, and selected as the automatic office, pub or dinner table conversation before, during and after ‘the world’s greatest tournament’, this is going to be a tough 31 days for anyone who can’t tell their Torres from their Messi, and wouldn’t know what a Jabulani was if it swerved at the last minute and slipped through their gloves.

There’s no need to retreat indoors though. Why should football fans have the monopoly on drama, heartbreak and excitement? Take advantage of this time to sample a carnival of multi-cultural entertainment with the Go See This guide to the World Cup;

Friday 11th June

‘The world’s biggest party’ (or whatever they’re calling it this time) kicks off on Friday 11th June with the glamour tie of the host nation South Africa against Mexico. Reward yourself for an afternoon of hard work ignoring the festivities with an evening at the Octagon in Bolton. Melvyn Bragg’s novel The Hired Man is adapted for the stage as a nostalgic, emotional musical set in England at a time when footballers were amateurs who still got the bus to the game and balls weighed the same as a small car.

Saturday 12th June

This is where it gets tricky. England get underway with their first match against the USA at 7.30pm. Spend the afternoon avoiding the gathering crowds and take the last chance to see the brilliant Don McCullin retrospective, Shaped By War at Imperial War Museum North.

By kick-off you could be arriving at The Lowry, (if you take the tram from the city centre remember to give a wave to everyone crammed into the ‘fan park’ in Castlefield) ready to show some support for our cousins across the Atlantic by enjoying the stage adaptation of Columbo; Prescription Murder which stars Dirk ‘Face from The A-Team’ Benedict as the famous detective. In Columbo you always see ‘whodunit’ at the beginning, but I’m afraid there’s still 30 days before you get any closure back in the real world...

Friday 18th June

England’s next game is today, against Algeria, and kicks off again at 7.30pm. By this time each of the 32 teams will have played at least once, there’ll have been at least one ‘surprise’ result, a plucky ‘small country’ will be ‘delighting’ ‘the neutrals’ and you’ll have been coerced into entering a sweepstake. As a result you’ll be keeping one hopeful eye on the results of Uruguay and may have developed a curiosity about the whole tournament.

Be prepared to offer useful insight into the culture of South Africa by taking yourself out for lunch at The Bridgewater Hall and enjoying a free concert in the foyer by Mazuzu – a UK 5-piece who are heavily inspired by the music of South Africa’s townships (you can sit and have lunch in the cafe and still take in the gig).

The evening offers plenty of options for escapism; at The Lowry there are three countries to support; you can admire the silky footwork of the Spaniards with Jaleo Flamenco, prepare yourself for some Italian heartbreak with Opera North’s sumptuous production of Puccini’s La Boheme, or get behind the Greeks with a one-man production of The Odyssey. If you’re one of those people who have children over the age of 8 who aren’t football crazy, then we’d suggest trying Little Leap Forward at The Met in Bury (although kids aren’t mandatory for this effective and engaging piece of masks-and-puppets theatre).

Wednesday 23rd June

England’s group is decided today, with ‘our boys’ (or those who haven’t been injured / suspended / sent home in disgrace yet) taking on Slovenia at 3.00pm. Join the hordes of people taking holiday / calling in sick / making elaborate excuses that afternoon and catch up with some exhibitions. Carried Away at the People’s History Museum seems apt (because there’s bound to have been well-publicised arrests by now if nothing else), and a quiet afternoon at Manchester Art Gallery is always worthwhile; A World Observed 1940 – 2010: Photographs by Dorothy Bohm is the latest in a line of high-profile exhibitions that are cementing the gallery’s reputation as a must-visit destination for anyone who has time to spend in the city centre. If you’re feeling particularly ‘international’ then head to Bury Art Gallery and check out some New German Romanticism.

In the evening escape the world of overpaid, mollycoddled superstars with the premiere of the stage adaptation of The Road To Nab End at Oldham Coliseum, ‘a remarkable tale of a poverty-stricken childhood’.

Saturday 26th – Tuesday 29th June: The 2nd round.

England are expected to reach this stage comfortably, and will face their first knock-out game over the weekend. With extra-time and penalties now possible at the ‘business end’ of the competition, there’s only one word that will probably sum-up England’s tournament at this stage; farce. So celebrate all that’s great about English farce with Charley’s Aunt at the Royal Exchange. With young men chasing women, cross-dressing and lots of mistaken identity it has all the hallmarks of an England training camp but comes at a fraction of the price.

Friday 2nd & Saturday 3rd July: The Quarter Finals.

England’s traditional cue to leave the party, and with the potential to meet France or Argentina at this stage it may be best to do something that will allow you to tap into the anguish and sense of needless tragedy that the papers will be telling you you should be feeling.

Birmingham Royal Ballet’s production of Romeo & Juliet at The Lowry, featuring the classic Prokofiev score and the ultimate twist of extra-time drama should do the trick.